spncentral | Of Sith And Street Rats

"We are," Garth'zel confirms with a nod. "Along with possibly a trip into the city to buy more food; I need to see what I need to get more of."

There's a couple of things he should get more of, now that he thinks about it, but he should see if there's anything else. Probably in a half hour or so.

His food finished, he rises to collect their plates and utensils to put in the dishwasher; leaving his mug and Ezra's glass out for now.

"I can help with that!" Ezra's always down to help buy food.

But first they're going to find out what the weather's going to be like. Not rainy, Ezra hopes. He doesn't really like when it rains. He always ends up wet because he can't just stay home and hole up. Not unless he got lucky earlier and already got some food. And then it takes hours for his clothes to dry out, and since he doesn't have any clothes to change into...

...although maybe Garth'zel will let him borrow a shirt again. And he can put his clothes in Garth'zel's dryer. He'd only have to wait fifteen minutes or so to have dry clothes of his own to wear. If only I could always do that... A pang of longing makes him trail behind Garth'zel almost close enough to reach up for his hand. He doesn't reach, though. It just doesn't feel like he should.

"When you go away, will you ever come back?"

"I honestly have no idea. Sometimes I go back to a planet I've been to before, sometimes I don't." It depends on if there's a reason for him to do so. Such as with Taris, back in his own time, he could see no reason whatsoever to return. Not with it being a Rakghoul-infested mess. Now, he's more willing to go back since he doesn't need to worry about things trying to eat him.

Things loaded into the washer, he closes it to let it get started. Then he deftly avoids running over Ezra to reclaim his mug to head out of the galley with it. "I'm going to see what things are supposed to be like today. I think we would prefer not to head out if it's going to be too hot or something."

The answer to his question isn't as clear as Ezra wants - sometimes, sometimes not - but it's still enough to deflate his hope more than a little. There's still a chance, of course, but still. Experience has taught Ezra that people who leave Lothal don't usually ever come back again. Too backwater, too far away from anything important, too boring, or any number of other reasons he's heard passing spacers grumble. He doesn't know which reason would be Garth'zel's, or if it would be a reason he hasn't heard before, but it still feels too likely to him.

Unless Ezra can give him a reason to stay.

Biting his lip, the little boy lets himself fall behind while Garth'zel goes to check the weather for the day. He needs time to think. He's got to come up with something.

When Garth'zel comes back, he's going to find Ezra laid out on the lounge couch. "I don't feel good," Ezra complains. (His acting is nowhere near as good as he thinks it is.) "Can we go look at the flowers tomorrow?"

Upon returning, Garth'zel gives Ezra a patient look. "Aside from the fact that you are far too young for lying to me to work very well, One of the things I learned how to do with the Force is to heal. Specifically, as many illnesses as I could although I've mostly found myself healing various types of injuries instead."

In other words, he would potentially know even before Ezra does if Ezra's sick.

Edited 2018-08-31 21:12 (UTC)

"I'm not lying!" Ezra protests, hastily preparing to justify. Crap, he'd forgotten about Garth'zel being able to read him like that. "I don't feel good. Not... not sick, just..." But words fail him, because he doesn't want to admit he's sad and upset and growing desperate. He doesn't even have all the words to describe how he feels. But that qualifies as 'not good,' doesn't it? Doesn't it?

So he wraps it up with a plaintive, "Can't I just stay here with you?"

Garth'zel blinks slowly, a few pieces falling together. "You don't mean in a 'spend the day working on things instead of heading out and about' way."

In other words, he realizes that Ezra means on a permanent basis.

He heads over to where he usually sits for their dejarik games, motioning for Ezra to sit up properly. Time to put everything else on hold. "Do you actually understand what you're asking? Because staying with me means leaving Lothal and either never coming back or only coming back every now and then."

Ezra hadn't meant it like that, exactly - or at least not consciously. But now that Garth'zel's phrased it like that out loud, something inside him squeezes tight, lodging just inside his throat with a longing that almost hurts.

"I..." Words fail him for a moment, caught in uncertainty. Leave Lothal? Maybe never come back? He looks down, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. "But... mom and dad... What if...?" He swallows. It's a hope he hasn't given voice to in a long time, mostly because he's grown more and more sure they're dead.

"What if what?" Garth'zel prompts when it looks like Ezra isn't going to continue. He can't actually read your mind, child. Just do a very good imitation of doing so.

He's not entirely certain of how that was going to finish, so time for some clarification.

"What if..." He twists his hem some more, then finally lets it go to look up. "What if they're not dead an' they come back?" How would they find him? How would they know he's not dead? If he goes with Garth'zel, does that mean there's no chance he'll see them again?

"That's a possibility," Garth'zel says with a nod. "But, and you probably knew this was coming, do you think they'd want you to put your life on hold just in case they returned instead of doing what you need to in order to look after yourself?"

He gives Ezra some time to absorb that. "It's okay to miss them. But don't let that keep you from focusing on the present and future."

Ezra knows what the answer to that question is supposed to be, but it's still hard to answer it. His throat hurts with the lump that's stuck inside of it. Deeper still is an ache for someone who's not there, for arms to wrap around him and make him feel better even with such a hard decision to make.

"No..." he whispers, looking down again. His mom and dad would have wanted him to live with some to take care of him, he's sure. But... "But isn't there some way we could leave them a message? In case they come back, so they'll know I'm okay? And... and maybe they could call us, so they know I'm okay, too?"

"Do you know of anyone who would relay such a message?" If none of their friends were willing to take in their son, he's not sure if they could be relied on to give Ezra's parents any messages if they ever returned.

Ezra has to think about that, harder than you'd think he'd have to. His parents knew people, of course, but the ones Ezra could name have all vanished or avoid him. He doesn't know if they'd pass on a message like that.

Finally, though, he comes up with at least one possibility.

"Old Jho might," he says. "An' if my parents came back, I bet they'd see him." He remembers getting Loth-rat pie from Jho with his parents, and them talking. Surely they'd go to get food there again.

"That sounds like something to look in to," Garth'zel says after considering things for a moment. "But. I think you better take some time to think about what you want to do first before we go talk to him about things, hmm?"

Just in case Ezra decides he isn't up for leaving his home planet or has some other issue resulting in him staying behind.

Telling an eight year old to think about it isn't necessarily going to work that well, but Ezra reluctantly nods. "Okay..." He slides down from his seat, no longer even thinking about playing ill. "I wanna go out by myself for a while. Will... You won't go away without me, will you?"

Unfortunately, as whether to stay or go was ultimately Ezra's decision, Ezra gets to have the hard job of thinking about things.

Garth'zel shakes his head. "I won't. I'll head out on my own at some point to do things, but the ship will still be here."

So depending on when Ezra got back, he may need to wait for Garth'zel to return as well to let him back in. "Try to be back sometime around noon?" Then he can get lunch handled.

Ezra nods, but doesn't take much longer than that before shuffling from the room. He has a big choice to make here and...

It's not going to be easy for him.

...

When he leaves, it's not with any real path to take in mind. The streets are his home, as much as anywhere is these days. He lets his feet wander where they want to go as his mind rolls the problem over and over and over. He trails through the market, looking at the stalls without approaching any of them. (He doesn't need to. He's not hungry. And if he goes with Garth'zel, maybe he won't ever be hungry enough to steal again.) He passes by people he knows by sight, if not necessarily by name. He passes by strangers who still move with the flow of Lothal's streets. (Would he ever see any of them again?) He knows who to avoid, mostly, and can guess who he could maybe beg from. The week before he met Garth'zel proved that that's not a reliable system. None of this is. But it's... something familiar. Something he knows. He doesn't know what his future will be like with Garth'zel.

Eventually his feet take him down an empty street, to a building marked by the Empire for demolition. It's been like that for a few months now, but nothing's actually happened. Maybe they've just forgotten it exists. He stands there, just staring up at the building for a minute as indecision wars within him.

Finally, he pulls a keycard out of his pocket. "Mom... Dad..."

...

It feels like hours (and maybe it actually is) before he makes his way back to the ship. The ramp isn't down, so he sits down to wait, a Lothcat doll clutched to his chest.

Edited 2018-09-13 00:22 (UTC)

While Ezra's gone, Garth'zel works on some basic maintenance the ship needed to be done before taking his own turn to leave the ship, locking it up after him. Considering the repairs had been finished a few days earlier, he's able to leave it completely locked; there were now only two people who needed access to his ship.

His first stop while out was to determine what schooling materials he'd need to get for Ezra if he was to decide to stay with him. Garth'zel was almost certain the boy was, but was going to hold off on getting them just in case. It'll be enough to know where to find them.

Next up was the grocery shopping. He got just as much as he otherwise would have because he may as well. There wasn't really much reason to think there wouldn't be a need for just as much food today as the other days previously.

When he returns, he shows no indication that the fact Ezra had a stuffed toy with him was anything unusual and just gets the ship opened up. "Ready for lunch? I probably should have given you a little spending money for in case you wanted a snack."

Too late now.

Ezra doesn't let Garth'zel even make it onto the ramp before he latches two arms onto the man's leg, Loth-cat doll trapped between them and all. Maybe he's only known Garth'zel for a little while, and maybe he doesn't know if Garth'zel even likes hugs or wants them from him, but right now he's the best that Ezra's got, and Ezra really needs a hug.

"I don't need a snack," he says, voice muffled. "Dev says he wants a hug."

If Garth'zel's arms were free, they would have windmilled to help him stay upright, but as they aren't, he just staggers instead as he draws on the Force to help with not falling over.

After he's sure he wasn't going to either fall or drop anything, he speaks up. "He does, huh?"

Sounds like he's got his answer regarding if Ezra was staying behind on Lothal or leaving with him, considering the kid hasn't wanted hugs before now.

Ezra doesn't know himself yet that he's really settled on this, but kids are good at acting on impulse, and this is what his heart wants him to do. Not realizing how close he'd come to tripped Garth'zel up, the little boy just clings a little tighter until the man's regained his balance.

"Uh huh," he says. "He... he says he's been alone a long time."

"He has, huh? Well, he's going to need you to let go of me so I can set down the things I'm carrying and get into a better position for that hug." Given he's standing with his arms full and he's not entirely certain how well trying to put things down with a child latched on to him will work.

Reluctantly, Ezra lets go of Garth'zel, both of his arms wrapping back around his doll. He stays close, though, all but hovering. "He's been at my old house a lot, 'cause... 'cause I didn't want him to get wet an' dirty," he says, feeling like he has to explain - or at least to fill the air with words while he waits to hide his own anxiety.

"I understand," Garth'zel says, carefully setting down what he's bought, mindful of the eggs before stepping back to kneel and give Ezra his hug.

"Is there anything else there you'd want to bring with you?"

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